Wisdom really does stem from experience.  Recently, I took an Iyengar Yoga class online with over 100 other students from all over the world.  The class was taught by Genny Kapuler, a New York based teacher who I took classes with, religiously, for five years when I lived in NYC.  It has been more than 15 years since I had last studied with Genny in her Soho Loft.  Genny had stayed with us in Dallas when she came to teach at the Dallas Yoga Center 10 years ago, so our relationship has continued over the years, but this was the first time I had heard her teaching voice in 10 years. 

I received many things from being with her recently, but what I experienced so clearly and very loudly is the notion that the layers of meaning in the words of a great teacher are only accessible in stages that are necessarily tied to our own experience.  In other words, we can only hear what we are ready for and, therefore, there is always so much that will only be revealed in time, after many years of coming back to our practice consistently and over time.  One can hear this very same idea in the ancient yogic texts and I knew it to be true, but practicing with the primary teacher from my formative years, after many years of not practicing with her, allowed me to feel just how true it is. 

Returning to a class with Genny was so familiar and, yet, I experienced myself so differently and I heard her words so differently because I have changed.   All of the anatomical structures and the words we use to describe movement don’t register fully until our experience catches us up to the words and ideas.  My experience of coming back, again and again, to myself and my practice of movement and locating, feeling, finding myself through this practice allows me to hear Genny’s words so differently, and perhaps more fully than ever before.  

I have been saying this statement a lot lately, “You hear what you are ready to learn.”

I don’t think Genny is saying anything profoundly different than she would have said years ago, even though she has certainly evolved in her own ways, but I hear and understand her differently. 

Fifteen or twenty years ago, when I took classes with Genny, I was preoccupied with all things related to the exterior form.  After every weekly class, I would diligently write her sequence down.  I was completely focused upon the form and trying to understand why she sequenced the poses the way she did and why she chose the variations of the postures as she did.  At the time, her poetic words and other deeper and more complex ideas of relating to the body just washed over me.  As must be the case! 

I know at the time that her words were seeping in somewhere, somehow, and sometimes landing in some semblance of understanding, but most of the time they really did wash over me like waves because her words did not mean something to me… yet.  Her words flowed through me and I remember thinking I will never understand why she says what she says.  

After more than a decade, when recently practicing with Genny, I wasn’t preoccupied with the shapes and sequences; I was listening and hearing and remembering the shapes as they unfolded from the inside out.  And I found that Genny’s teaching had so many additional layers and so much nuance, and I could meet her teaching from a point of view that incorporated many years of steady practice, research, experience, change and evolution. 

As I continue to practice with Genny (thank you coronavirus for bringing Genny’s teaching online!), I can see so clearly where I have been and where I am now.  I can truly feel how this practice effects me from the outside to the inside… and then what becomes known on the inside effects the outside again… and back and forth, forever more, just like a mobius strip. 

I like to think about the fact that it takes ten years for some wild flowers to germinate.  This reminds me that trusting and being patient with the process of our practice is so very important.  Good things take time.  Many things can only come into existence over time.  And this is not only okay, but one of the beautiful rewards of working at something for many years.  Like a wildflower, we must let all things germinate fully in their own time. 

Experience really does grow wisdom. 

Just a week ago, I was saying to a friend, “All I have is time.”  That statement is such a huge contrast to what I typically feel and say, “I never have enough time!” In an instant, so much has changed for all of us, and we are all responding and adapting to this change in pacing, rhythm and how we use this time.  

How are you responding to the time that you have been given?  

I noticed that it was challenging for me to just carry on as I did before, do the same things as I did before shelter in place was implemented.  This was because I was not able to do the same things, but also because this time felt simultaneously urgent and precious, and this time has given me space to make different choices.  This time is definitely limiting my options and, therefore, my attention is being placed on other things, highlighting aspects of my life that I might not have noticed before.  

This is exactly what our practice does for us.  Our practice reveals, over time, what we have been attending to and what we have not been attending to.  It gently nudges us to feel, notice, and find other parts of ourselves that we may have forgotten.  

I feel so grateful to have this new space in my life because I am remembering to make different choices with my family and with myself, and I am choosing not to waste any precious moment in spite of the underlying feeling of unknown and uncertainty.

 The following is a list of 10 things I have been doing with the extra time that our communal quarantine has provided, and maybe you are finding yourself doing similar things, too:

1.  I am really noticing spring.  I sit and gaze upon the trees in our yard that are just budding and blooming.  My husband is the one who always brings my attention to this time of year and takes me for a walk outside to see all of the daily changes that are occurring in our yard, but now I am more inclined to go outside every day to see these changes.  There are so many amazing changes every day in the nature around our home!

2.  For the very first time, my husband, son and myself took a bike ride around White Rock Lake.  For fourteen years now, we have lived just 5 blocks away from the lake, and yet we never have done this until now.  We have all agreed to do this many more times together.

3.  I feel so well rested.  Prior to this coronavirus pandemic, I would typically take a nap everyday for 20 minutes, but the past two weeks I have not needed to nap.  I am actually sleeping until my body wants to wake up and I am going to bed when my body needs to sleep.  I am getting the sleep that I need. 

4.  I am playing the piano every day.  I have played the piano since I was 7, and throughout my life playing the piano has brought so much comfort and joy.  However,  for the past 10 years there has not been so much piano playing.  I am really enjoying this time to remember my love for playing this beautiful instrument.

5.  One of the most surprising gifts I have received during this time is that I am reconnecting with students from years ago, those who have moved away or haven’t been able to make it to the classes I teach in Dallas.   These old friends and students are now able to practice with me, all together again, online.  Community is being created in ways I never imagined.

6.  My son is expressing to us daily how much he misses school.  I never thought I would ever hear him say that.  

7. A new daily happening in our home is that my husband, son and I have a mid-day routine of eating lunch together, followed by a walk and then 30 minutes of reading time.  This mid-day ritual has become our favorite time of the day.  Taking the time in the middle of the day to relate and share together has been so meaningful for all of us. 

8. In the past two weeks, I have talked on the phone, texted or zoomed with more friends, family and students than I ever do in any given month (maybe in any given two months!).  

9. My family is laughing a lot together, being silly, being spontaneous and being more relaxed together.  Our son reflected to us, “you guys are not as stressed as you typically are.”  I didn’t even know I was as stressed as I was until there was space to be anything different.  

10.  I am trying new things, like Pranashakti classes with Dr. Deb in Austin, TX, and Gaga classes online with teachers from NYC and TelAviv.  They are both so much fun. Here are the links if you want to give them a try.  

https://www.gagapeople.com/en/gaga-online/

https://drdebkern.com/classes

I would love to hear how all of you are using this time.  

Tell me what you notice is different in how you are responding and relating to the people around you during this time.
Please stay safe and healthy.  I am looking forward to seeing many of your faces and hugging as many of you as possible when we are able to be in close community again.  

I recently heard a yoga teacher make the assertion that a habit is a limited choice, and a habit is also the best option you have in any given moment.   This statement challenges the idea that habits are negative, merely limitations.  I began to think of habits in positive terms.  My habits are a reflection of what is available, what is familiar and what I know.  If I knew differently, I would choose differently, right?  As I always say, I don’t know until I know. 

This statement reminds me to accept my experiences and actions as they are in the moment. At the same time, I believe we need to experience more parts of ourselves, find more parts of ourselves, find new options and develop new habits.  So, if habits develop because of limited choices then how do we begin to expand our options and make different choices?  How do we create new habits, find new possibilities and experience new things?  We must accept ourselves as we are AND we must engage in investigating, reflecting, learning, remembering, paying attention, feeling, observing… experiencing more.

Our habits are intimately connected to how our nervous system is patterned and wired.   This notion of habits being wired in our nervous system is not anything new.  More and more research is being done about the complexity of the nervous system and our understanding is changing all of the time.  I am not an expert or professional in this area, but I am a researcher.  I have studied and reflected upon my own experiences, as well as observed other people’s experiences over the past 20 years.  I have learned and observed that the nervous system is a recording system, a well grooved path of wiring, and yet it does have the potential to change.  Introducing new movement to the nervous system is one way in which we can begin to expand our habitual patterns.  When I move in new and unfamiliar ways the movement is introduced to my nervous system.  Introducing new movement to my nervous system gradually gives me more options to choose from.  This is the only way to begin to form new habits.

Here is an example that I hope many of you can relate to…You come to a Somatic Yoga class and the teacher asks you to wake up to an area of your body that you have never thought about before, like the very end of your spine, the tailbone, coccyx bone.  You start to investigate that you have a tailbone, while in table top or in your downward facing dog.  You begin to poke around and touch your tail, wiggle it around and explore moving from the very end of your spine.  And as you investigate, there are moments of confusion.   Perhaps you don’t feel anything happening and your tail might feel like it doesn’t exist.  And gradually over time, the end of your spine becomes a part of your growing movement vocabulary and the tailbone begins to participate in pushing, reaching and leading, and perhaps even wiggling.  Your tailbone, coccyx, now knows that it exists and it can feel sensations and initiate movement and has created a neural pathway in which it can make choices of engagement or not.  Your tailbone is now no longer something unknown, but known. Your tailbone is no longer a limited choice but now an option that you did not have before you started this process of rewiring and re-patterning your neural pathways.  You may not have been able to perceive the change as it is happening but change has occurred because you now have feelings, sensations and movement possibility that you did not have before.  

Bonnie wrote in her book, Basic Neurocellular Patterns, “ To initiate movement from any specific area, one needs to have awareness in the tissues of that area.  If there is diminished sensation being received from an area, there will be diminished movement initiated in that area.  If there is diminished movement being initiated in an area, there will be diminished sensation arising from that area.”  

A habit is a limited choice and a habit is also the best option you have in any given moment.  If our nervous system is a recording system and if our body only knows one way of moving and there is no new information being introduced then we keep repeating that same way of moving.   When we introduce a new way of moving or moving from something that didn’t know that it existed then the nervous system picks up that new movement and creates a new neural pathway and connection.  Our nervous system has learned a new pathway and as a result, we have more choices to move from.  Instead of one way of moving, you now have two ways of moving.  The habit gradually begins to shift and your nervous system begins to have more options to choose from.  Little by little your body re-patterns itself and as a result the tissues become more resilient , responsive and adaptable as they become more aware of their own existence.  Our habits are not bad or good, just the best option you have in any given moment.